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1. A Place To Go
..... When you first started working with your elderly mom or dad in helping them settle into their retired lifestyle, you exposed yourself to all kinds of services that can help take care of senior citizens. If you feel your parent could use to be with people during the day but you are not able to be free to provide that support because of your job, the idea of an adult day care is often suggested as a solution to the problem. Of course the phrase “adult day care” can be upsetting because it only goes to reinforce the image of your adult parent becoming an infant and having to be treated as such. So when you suggest that you work together to find a place they can spend time at during the day, don’t refer to it as an “adult day care” if you can. Immediately the senior citizen will feel that you are just “putting him away” somewhere so he won’t be a nuisance to you. And you don’t want him to get that idea. .....

2. A Stressful Job
..... It’s an understatement that being a caregiver for an elderly loved one is stressful. And in general, by the time you accept that you are in the role of “primary caregiver”, the need to help your elderly parent is already advanced. So you usually have some “catch up work” to do so you can establish some controls over your aging parent’s medical situation, finances and lifestyle. To make the stress of the task more acute, in many cases neither the caregiver or the one being cared for like the job or volunteered for it. The senior citizen receiving the help is often hostile, resistant to the necessary changes that the caregiver must implement and sometimes downright disagreeable. Because this is probably your mom or dad you are taking care of, there are those trained reactions you have to them that when they say what goes, that’s what goes. But now you are the caregiver and they are in the role of the one who must obey. That reversal of roles is hard for both parent and child to get used to. .....

3. Caregivers And The Workplace
..... More and more businesses are facing a challenge and some decisions to be made. As the baby boom generation moves into retirement years and becomes elderly, the workers that make your business function so efficiently are going to have the additional demands placed on them of becoming the primary caregiver for an aging parent. It’s easy to just shrug at this need in your employee population but just as the demands of parenting can have a huge impact on the workplace, the personal needs of your employees to take care of their aging parents will have an impact on the office and the productivity of your business. .....

4. Caring For The Caregiver
..... The relationship between an elderly person and his or her caregiver is complex and intense sometimes. But that relationship does not exist in a vacuum. There are a lot of people affected by what is going on when that caregiver goes to that senior citizens apartment and give to him or her that one on one attention that is so necessary. For one thing, the caregiver’s friends, family and coworkers are affected. Becoming the primary person responsible for the care and well being of a senior citizen is a peculiar job because it is tremendously demanding and completely unpaid. Caregivers are for the most part children or close relatives of the senior citizen being cared for and they have jobs, families and a full life outside of the time they put in taking care of their parent or parents. .....

5. Does Grandpa Like Himself
..... Few of us think about our own self esteem. But how we feel about ourselves, our work, our relationship to family and the community and our place in the world is the cornerstone not only of your ability to function and be productive in life but of your mental and physical health as well. That is a basic concept of human psychology for everyone and that need for self esteem doesn’t go away when you become a senior citizen. When you think about it, this episode of being a caregiver for your aging parent is not your first crack at care giving. You were the caregiver and to some extent still are for your children as they were growing up. You took care of their every need including their emotional and psychological needs. And any good parent learns early on that a child’s self esteem if vital to their success in school and in life. .....

6. Easing Into Care Giving
..... There is one axiom that if your parents don’t pass away young in life, you are going to watch them age. Now for the most part, this is a natural and nice part of life because mom and dad can slowly become grandma and grandpa which are nice roles for them after working so hard to raise you. But a corollary to that axiom is that if mom and dad are going to age, at some point you are going to begin helping them with the daily affairs of life. And that occasional helping will escalate as their needs grow strong until you will become a full-fledged caregiver for an elderly person. .....

7. Giving Thanks For Being A Caregiver
..... Much of the adjustment that goes into being a caregiver for your aging parent goes into dealing with the stress and the emotional drain that role can bring. In addition to the issues of how to care for her in the best possible way, there are the emotions of anger when programs don’t work right or when the facility she is in has problems. There is resentment at other siblings or even at your aging parent because of the demands this job has on you personally. There are other adjustments that are a huge drain on you emotionally. Balancing work, home and private life with the demands on your time being a caregiver requires is a juggling act that will involve as many “dropped balls” as successes before you ever get it right. And about the time you do get a good balance, the demands of your elderly parent might change and you are again pulled back into that stressful situation. .....

8. Going To A Better Place
..... There are some momentous events in the life of a senior citizen. And few can compare in terms of the tremendous change of lifestyle to the moment when your aging parent moves out of their home and into an assisted living facility. It’s a very emotional decision. If your mom and dad have been living in the same house for decades, there is a bond with that place that runs very deep. So convincing your elderly parent to move to an apartment or assisted care facility can be difficult. Once you have gotten mom or dad on board to make that big move, the next major step is to find a facility that would be just the right thing. There are a number of factors that go into this choice. So when you set out to find the next home for your parent, you should have a fairly detailed check list for what you are looking for. And when you enter that facility, don’t be ashamed to be darned fussy about that checklist. This will be your parent’s next home and a place you will be spending a lot of time at during your visits. So make sure that when mom or dad move from their home to this facility that they truly are going to a better place. .....

9. Guilt Helps Nobody
..... If the job of being a caregiver only involved giving help to your aging parent such as doing the dishes and helping fill out the Medicare paperwork, your life would be considerably easier. And if that were the case, even if there was a lot to do, the problem of caregiver burn out would not be such an issue. But the real drain on you and even on the senior citizen you are taking care of comes in the emotional toll that the care giving relationship brings with it. Because the “assumed understanding” of the care giving relationship is based on the extended giving of a very large favor, guilt becomes a common element in every aspect of the time you spend with your aging parent. .....

10. Is Mom A Sucker
..... Sometimes a caregiver is a combination of maid, doctor, spiritual advisor and amateur detective. It’s no secret that elderly people sometimes become more like teenagers and children then mature adults. So, while we wish they wouldn’t do it, your senior citizen mom or dad may be hiding a few things from you. And one thing parents are fiercely independent about is their finances and how they use their money. But being independent doesn’t translate into being wise in how your retired parents use their money. And its one of your jobs as caregiver to look after your parents well being which means watching where their money goes so their limited financial resources can last a long time. .....

11. Keeping It At ArmÆs Length
..... Sometimes when you have a very consuming problem, it can so take over your life that you forget the rest of life’s responsibilities and relationships. That is certainly a danger that caregivers are faced with. It is easy to become so wrapped up in the demands of being a good caregiver for your aging parent or loved one that the rest of the world seems to disappear. This is never a healthy way to take on the challenge of care giving. Not only would it be terrible for your family, job and friends to see you vanish into the task of care giving and never be available for anyone else, its also a bad idea for both you and your elderly parent for you to obsess that much. .....

12. Listening To Your Parents Even Now
..... Have you ever had that aggravation that you go over to your aging parents apartment or house to help with the housework and get some serious “care giving” done and the senior himself seems to be bent on stopping your progress? You no doubt came over with a list as long as your arm of things to do at the apartment to help your parent live a clean and healthier life by getting the place into shape. You know that part of your job as caregiver is to take care of chores and do the things your aging parent cannot do any more or just doesn’t do because of fatigue or general lack of attention to detail. So when your parent wants you to forget all that work and just sit and talk, what is aggravating to you may be very important to your parent, maybe even more important than the apartment getting cleaned up. .....

13. Making A Difference Together
..... There is something very self absorbed about the caregiver to senior citizen relationship. By that we mean that most if not all of the decisions you make and subjects of concern focus either on the senior citizen and his needs or on the caregiver and the senior citizen and how you will work together to address his needs. It is small wonder then when we think about what your elderly parent talked about all day, it’s usually all about his or her physical or emotional needs. The way the caregiver relationship works naturally encourages the idea that the senior citizens world revolves around the needs and issues of the senior citizen himself. .....

14. Managing Your Senior CitizenÆs Medications
..... “Old people need a lot of pills.” That was an observation the grandson of my adult parent observed about his Granddad. And while that may be a bit of a crude way of making that observation, it is certainly a correct observation. The truth is that senior citizens sometimes to find themselves taking a vast array of pills and medications. Sometimes the diversity of medications can become hard to keep track of. That is why so often your aging parent may have a pill dispenser kit which allows him to measure out the drugs for an entire week to try to keep it all straight. .....

15. Quality Of Life For Your Senior Citizen
..... When you were growing up, your parents were your care givers. They made sure you were safe, well fed, clothed had medical care and that the money was there for the things you needed. But being your caregiver for your mom and dad was about more than just giving you the basics of survival and health. Now your turn has come to be the care giver for your parents. They need you now as they move into their older years and they are less able to attend to those basic needs of life. But you can assure they are safe and that they have the right food to eat for their diet. You can make sure their clothes are clean and that their medications are there for them every day. You also can look after their finances so there is plenty there to take care of the necessities of life and none is wasted or taken from them by scam artists. .....

16. Senior Citizens Bill Of Rights
..... Sometimes when you and your elderly parent are partnering for their care, it seems like an “us against the world” situation. But since the senior citizen you are caring for has little fight left in them, it seems it’s up to you to make sure that your elderly mom or dad get all they have coming. Just because a person becomes a senior citizen, that doesn’t mean their fundamental rights go away. They deserve and should expect to be treated with respect and for those serving them to live up to expectations. But just as it was before your parent became a senior citizen, a right must be claimed to be a right. So while there is no formal “Senior Citizens Bill of Rights”, there are laws on the books about how nursing homes must treat senior citizens. And even if your mom or dad is in an assisted care facility and not a nursing home, there are some basic expectations that were in that contract and that are fundamentally assumed that the facility will live up to. And its up to you as the caregiver to make sure they are living up to what is expected of them. .....

17. Taking Care Of Yourself Is Part Of The Job
..... The job of becoming the primary caregiver for your aging parent is universally recognized as one of the most difficult transitions we will go through. To start with, it’s hard to go through the reversal of parent and child. All your life, mom or dad were the strong ones. They were the ones you ran to for help and who were always there to tell you, “It’s ok. Everything will be all right.” But now as your parent ages and you have to witness their demise mentally and physically, you realize that everything may not be all right especially if your parent is going through a slow decline of a terminal illness. When the only outcome of what you are dealing with in your parent’s life is death, that makes it tough to stay upbeat, creative and proactive about how to handle life’s daily challenges. .....

18. That Thing We DonÆt Talk About
..... Have you ever heard the phrase, “The 200 pound gorilla in the room”? It’s a phrase that refers to a topic that nobody talks about but it so dominates everybody’s thoughts. Everyone knows the gorilla is there but nobody gets anxious because, after all, you don’t want to upset the gorilla. There is a 200 pound gorilla in the room in any time being spent with a senior citizen. It is a topic that is blatantly pertinent to anyone in their golden years but it is a topic that nobody talks about either because it’s too upsetting or nobody knows how to talk about it. But it is a topic that weighs on the mind of your senior citizen mom and dad virtually every day. The 200 pound gorilla in the room is death and the end of life issues that are ahead for every senior citizen at some point or another. .....

19. The CaregiverÆs Emotions
..... There is a balance between the jobs of a caregiver and the feelings of a caregiver. If you can detach yourself from the many emotions you feel when you have taken on this hard job, many of the “tasks” are fairly routine. Whether it’s doing your mom and dad’s laundry or grocery shopping or paying the bills or filling out the Medicare paperwork, much of the “stuff” of being a caregiver is pretty humdrum. But just doing the chores of taking care of your aging parent’s physical needs is not all there is to being a caregiver. If that was all there was to it, you could hire someone to handle that. No, the real challenge of being a good caregiver for your elderly parent is the emotional support you give to them as they struggle with a tough part of their life. .....

20. The CaregiverÆs Greatest Enemy
..... Being a caregiver for your aging mom or dad could be compared to a battle. This is even more so if you are caring for a loved one who is terminally ill. That is because the battle you are fighting will ultimately end in the passing of your loved one. But you are committed to their health, happiness and well being and to do all you can to make their golden years as peaceful and enjoyable if you can. So what would you consider the greatest enemy you fight in this battle? It might be the battle to keep your parent’s medications up to date and to make sure she takes them every day without fail. It is a struggle to keep up with the prescriptions, the frequency of dosage and to make sure your elderly mom or dad stays on top of it too. .....

21. The Greatest Loss Of Them All
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22. We Are The Sandwich Generation
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23. When Is It Time To Step In
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24. When The End Is Near
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25. Where Should Grandma Live
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